so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
