I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize