he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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