the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
