at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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