my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
