Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
not ubering you a puppy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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