this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize