Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
