oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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