I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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