my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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