i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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