Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
