If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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