He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
