i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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