Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
