Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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