Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
