It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We're using joints as your birthday candles
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
