she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
