Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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