my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
