You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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