So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
