So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize