I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
