Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
