plz talk dirty to me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
