go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
