i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
