wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
