How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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