I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize