Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
