Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
