Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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