I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
