wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize