once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
