You just made me feel so damn special
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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