summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
