THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
