dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize