just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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