I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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