i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
