that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
