I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
