No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
