Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
