his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
