how can u be prego again
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
