my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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