I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
