Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
