I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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