I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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