Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
