my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize