Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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