my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
