There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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