...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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