Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
