So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
