I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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