o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
