Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
