Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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