And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
