Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
