he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
