can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
