I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
operation have a gay friend backfired
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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