Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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