He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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