Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
