My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
