the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
