i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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