I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize