i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
