Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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