the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
