The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
