We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
