When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
