Umm I'm too high to move.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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