flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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