I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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