He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
