I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
