Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
