How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
