the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
