WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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