I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize