she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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