a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
