I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
