Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
