Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize