I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
