She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize