So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone came in the potted fern
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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