Duck Duck Cougar?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize